Armpit Empires VIII of X: The Small Print

HM loves Armageddon Empires and wants to share this love with you.

This ten-part series covers some common newbie mistakes in this game, which has a learning curve that feels as comfortable as sitting in a Judas chair. You will make these mistakes and more. But at least you will know you were not alone.

The Small Print

Either you’re going to play Armageddon Empires or you’re going to fall asleep reading the crazy horse amount of text wrapped around each card in play. Rapid Reaction, Shock Attack, Raider, Vengeance… WTF is all this?

It’s okay to ignore this stuff on your first few plays. But if you want to be a winner, you’ve gotta put in your time at the library, my friend. Here are two key examples to get you started.

The Shock Attack turns up on a number of units and the explanation is a little… enigmatic. It caused so much head-scratching they thought I was just perfect for a new Head & Shoulders ad. Not that one where the jerk goes “Exactamundo!” because that is just vile. Just look at this here:

A successful attack… okay…. commits the target… commits the target to what? Marriage? Celibacy? Being a nice little Xenomorph for the day?

When I eventually found out what the shock attack does it became one of my favourite special abilities. If a unit with shock attack makes a successful hit, it prevents the victim unit from doing anything for a whole round. This is vital for winning some battles. Certain enemy units have poor defensive capabilities but wield flesh-stripping razor-grinding subprime-bubbling lasers of superdoom, and if you can stop them from attacking it makes a huge difference.

I heart shock attack.

Here’s another one, which is more common amongst independent units that are holed up on some hex that you really want. The inconspicuous Wave Attack transforms a bunch of innocent looking puppies into ravenous werewolves of terror. Look at this.

Having a wave attack means a Howler’s attack strength gets incremented by one for every other Howler it fights beside. When the battle is joined, you’re actually fighting 5 Howlers with an attack strength of 5 each. These are no puppy pushovers.

I unheart wave attack because I’m almost always on the receiving end of it.

Hope that encourages you to read the small print now and again. “Because it’s the difference between winning and losing?” Exactamundo!

Next: Combat Fatigue