This is a desperate plea for help.
I’d played Massive Entertainment‘s RTS Ground Control and found it enjoyable, even though I was forced into desperate micromanagement especially when those fucking beam platforms turned up. One misstep and suddenly my units are out of cover – everyone is under attack, people are dying, people are screaming and I’m wetting my pants. You couldn’t replenish destroyed units, which was good because a level then played like a puzzle rather than simply an exercise in drowning your enemy with more units than he has… but bad because mistakes had negative implications for the rest of the campaign.
I finished the first half of the game, and stopped. There’s this horrible HA HA SURPRISE moment in the final mission of the Crayven campaign when you’re just seconds from victory and super-powered enemies emerge, tiny infantry that can wipe out all of your units in the blink of an eye. Think Mr. Super Butt Suit in Crysis, but lots of clones of him. I just about scraped by with gently gently centimetre-by-centimetre movements as most of my artillery had been shot to Swiss cheese already, and artillery would have been really quite useful at that point.
Ah, I ramble.
Anywho. I heard Massive’s follow-up World In Conflict was the dog’s dreadlocks so I pressured my sister into buying it as a birthday present for me.
I found the game confusing; none of my brain cogs snapped into place. Too many similar looking units, both enemy and ally, a giant blur of treads and wheels. And there were about six jillion special air strike combos you could apply. My guys got blown up all the time. I made it through scenarios not because I was an excellent field strategist but because I could keep on spawning reinforcements.
It was too disheartening so I tucked the game in a drawer somewhere, a cold, dark drawer in which a mutant culture of DVD-consuming mould was developing. But one of these days my sister will ask about the game and I’ll have to make some shit up, studying YouTube videos so I can fictionalise the experience. I’ll tell her this well-concocted story, doing my best to mimic the game’s famous pyrotechnics with lots of fascinating hand movements and KABOOM noises, and then she’ll roll her eyes and say, “God, I wasn’t really interested, you know.” Job done.
Is there a trick to World In Conflict that I am missing? Is my brain simply not up to the task? Are you going to tell me I’m too old for this game?
I want to enjoy games that other people enjoy. Well, except for Lost Planet, I’d rather shoot myself in the head with a blunt bolt from a crossbow than walk around in a drug-induced cloud of happy happy pretending that Lost Planet is the best game ever.